Friday, July 9, 2010

I will trust in You

I've been finding that the closer that I get to my due date, the more I have to deal with my crazy emotions and fears. I know that a lot of this is normal, pregnancy hormone related and every mother goes through it in the weeks leading up to when her child is born - but it is also augmented by the complications of the pregnancy and all the emotions that have surrounded that as well. 

When I look back at the past 20 weeks since we first found out there were issues, it's a bit like I'm looking at someone else's journey, not my own. I am amazed by the strength that we have found through it all - strength that I'm sure has come from our faith in God and from the prayers and support from many family and friends, some who we have only met because of this situation. 

But we are still human and we still have fears, we still are experiencing that sense of loss... We still struggle with the fact that if we could have chosen whether or not we would be in this situation, we wouldn't have chosen it. No mother wants to think about her child being born anything less than "normal" and "perfect" and "healthy". No mother wants to imagine her child growing up different and wondering what cruelties they will have to endure, wonder whether life will treat them fairly, whether they will find love and happiness - knowing that much of this will likely be more difficult for them, just because they look different, even though inside they're just the same as everyone else...

Yesterday I was catching up on my blog reading and I came across one of my favourites - the blog of little Evie Jayne - Evie was born 9 months ago and her parents were told that she would not survive her first day but the diagnosis the doctors gave was incorrect. She's now a happy and adorable 9 month old. I've always loved this blog because of the faith and strength that her mother, Lindsey, has shown through all the struggles they've had. And they have the most adorable pictures on their blog too (I should be inspired - I've rarely posted pictures here!)

Yesterday, Lindsey wrote a beautiful post entitled the prodigal daughter. It talked about how she is struggling with the fears and worries of Evie's upcoming surgery (she needs surgery on her skull on the 16th, so if anyone needs another prayer point, please pray for little Evie and her family!!) and how we can give our worries to God and "nail them to the cross". I could relate because I have so many things that I am scared about with the birth of our child, so many things that I can't control, so many things that aren't ideal. So like Lindsey, I choose  today to give my worries to the Lord and trust that He has a plan for our lives. I'll rely in the knowledge that He will work everything out for good. 

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid,
I will trust in you,
In God, whose Word I praise,
In God I trust, I will not be afraid.


  1. I still struggle with these feelings but it does get easier! Embracing a new and different normal comes with time and incredible strength which you already have so you are ahead of the game! You are going to be such a wonderful mother for your baby! You are super strong and will shine through this! We love Lindsays blog too! Evie is so adorable and completely inspiring! Such a tough little cookie!

  2. I agree with Melissa, we all struggle with these feelings from time to time and it truly gets lighter. I believe that we create our own reality and we can choose to be happy no matter what and our children (with some challenges) can learn that from us. We don't know the future, we cannot anticipate that our kids will be suffering, will be unhappy and will have difficult life! Because they as well can exceed our hopes for a happy and blessed future! Having a child without disabilities does not guarantee that he or she will be happy and will have an easy life, right? So I stopped wasting the energy on fears and worries because I KNOW for certain that these things can create a sad reality which I do not want to see. Life can surprise you, amaze you, your precious daughter is a miracle. Enjoy what God gives you to the fullest and your daughter will learn to cherish life from you.