Thursday, April 8, 2010

Due date

I've previously mentioned this in my blog but last July, we were expecting and had a miscarriage. And it only just occurred to me yesterday that I totally missed my "due date". I've heard of other women who have had miscarriages and on their due dates, they remembered their bubs and what may have been etc... but I guess I've been so busy with house hunting, visitors, issues in this pregnancy that I didn't even remember my due date until a week and a half later... it's crazy to think that if this had've gone differently, we'd be holding our little one now. But I know also that if we hadn't lost that bub, we wouldn't now be pregnant with this one...
I'm also thinking of two friends in particular at this time - one friend who just suffered a miscarriage (which caused me to think of my own miscarriage), and another friend who is pregnant with her first baby, due this month (I found out she was pregnant just a couple of weeks after my miscarriage).

I want to share an email that Bernard wrote to some of our family and friends last July when we had the miscarriage. So much is so relevant to our current situation.

Dear all

As some of you may have read from Nicole's earlier e-mail, we were expecting another baby to be on the way, but unfortunately things didn't turn out the way we had planned and she had a miscarriage.

It is of course not only very disappointing for the both of us, but it is also very sad as we can only imagine as to what life would have been like with this child.  Each life is different, each life is precious, and no one else can replace this little life which could have been.  Having said that, I want to thank you all for your love and constant prayers.  This stage of our lives would have been so much more difficult without your support.

There is so much in life that we can complain about - for example, why this has happened to us, why seemingly bad things happen to people who are good, to a family who loves God and have devoted their lives to serving Him.  But as a family, we have chosen to thank our Lord Jesus - for all the blessings that He has showered on us, for all the favour that we didn't deserve, for each breath that we breathe, for each precious moment of life that we have.  For the precious bundle of joy that He has already given to us.  These are all things that we don't deserve - but He, in His infinite grace, mercy and favour, has chosen to give them to us anyway.  So instead of complaining - today, we chose to thank the Lord for everything.

There was a man in the Bible called Job, and God had allowed the devil to destroy everything he had - his wealth, his health, and even his family.  He lost everything he had and everything dear to him in a day.  There are 42 chapters in the Book of Job, and I find it amazing that in all of those chapters, Job never blamed God nor complained for anything that happened.  There were times that he questioned why those things had happened to him, but his attitude remained the same:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Today, we strive to have an attitude like Job - there will be times that we question why this has happened, but we will continue to bless the name of the Lord.

I remembered that when Lana was born, we had dedicated her to the Lord - and for as long as she lived, we would love her and care for her, but her ultimate destiny remained in God's hands.  This might sound like a foolish thing to do, but we had realized that God's hands were stronger, mightier and sturdier than ours - and we had decided to trust that His hands were more capable of looking after our little girl.  A few days ago when I was in the shower, God asked me what I would do if He took away one of our children.  I had hoped that my faith would have been enough to say that we had surrendered our children to Him, and we would trust Him if He choose to take one of them away.  Today, our resolve remains the same - that our Lord Jesus holds everything in His hands, including the lives of our children, including the life of this child we lost.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I look forward to the day when we get to heaven, when we will be able to meet not only our Lord face to face, but also to meet for the first time, this child that came only briefly into our lives, but who has already stirred deep emotions within us.  When that day comes, I sincerely hope that all of you will be there with us to meet our child.

As I was walking out of our kitchen earlier tonight, I saw a Bible verse hanging from the wall - it was written a long time ago by a man called David, a man after God's own heart.  In his time of trouble, he wrote:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13)
I would have lost heart too had I not had the Solid Rock to cling to.  I have seen His goodness.  I believe that His goodness will continue in the land of the living.  I believe that His goodness will continue to be shown in our lives.

Again, we appreciate all your love, prayers and support.  We have much to be thankful for.  We have hope today because God is good and is working in our lives.  We have not lost heart, we have confidence because we know that Jesus lives and holds tomorrow in His hands.  We have a firm foundation, a peace beyond understanding, a blessed assurance that all things will work together for good.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

With love,

Thinking of our baby who would have been entering the world around this time... even if I am a week and a half late...

1 comment:

  1. It is amazing how much we take for granted. Both in the natural and also in the spiritual. It is good to reflect. I too had a miscarriage and at times I stop and wonder what it would have been like to hold that baby so dear to me. Thanks for sharing Bernard's thoughts with us again. I was told by a very dear friend of mine at the time of my miscarriage,that I would see my baby in heaven. This gave me such strength. God is our strength and refuge, our very present help in times of trouble. Even though you may have missed your due date you have taken the time to write and share your heart.I am sure that your thoughts are very focused on your present situation and we wait with you in anticipation of God's will to unfold. You will be surprised at those unexpected moments when you will remember the baby that you lost. Even if it is to sit in wonder at how our God can carry you through the darkest times. Keep writing Nicole. I am so proud of you. I am with you.